Excitedly I registered on a website which offers to download free files for tips of happy married life for Muslims. As soon as I received the tips on “How to become your husband’s darling”, I started reading the tips: very lovely presentation it was, I must admit but when I reached the last one it actually made me so annoyed that I had to grab my machine and write this blog.
One day a companion of Muhammad PBUH, came to see Umer RA, who was the caliphate of Muslims at that time. He was about to knock at the door when he heard that Umer RA’s wife was yelling at Him RA, realizing the sensitivity of the situation he returned. Later he met Umer RA in masjid and told him about his coming to see him and the reason he returned without meeting. Then he asked Umer RA surprisingly, Oh Umer you were listening to your wife quietly when she was shouting, I can’t believe it that a man like you, from whom even men cant dare talking like that? Umer RA replied, “Yes, she can, since she is the mother of my children”.
“Incident of IFK”, was the most terrible time for Muhammad PBUH, Aisha RA and her family. When Allah SWT, revealed ayahs in Surah Noor to announce Aisha RA’s innocence, Aisha RA’s mother asked her to thank Muhammad PBUH. Hazrat Aisha RA refused on Prophet’s face, she said why should I thank HIM PBUH, rather I will thank my lord who sent these ayahs to prove my innocence. Prophet Muhammad PBUH smiled and nodded in agreement.
Many a times Muhammad PBUH, explained the characteristics of a wife who will definitely enter Jannah. “A woman who offers 5 time’s prayers, safeguards her chastity in absence of her husband and takes care of her husband’s property.”
Surah Baqrah and Talaaq explain the matters of Divorce in detail. One of the obligations on a man who wishes to divorce his wife is that he can’t terminate the Nikah if she is having manses, and if she is pregnant, then even divorce is most likely to be nullified.
In Surah Mulk, Allah SWT challenges us, to find a single mistake in HIS SWT’s creation. If God has made a woman obedient to men, would she not argue with the lord on the day of resurrection that why didn’t HE make her a man? Could Allah SWT make this flaw in the life of His SWT’s most loving creation?
OBEDIENCE is for the creator only, that’s our lord, our God; Allah, the most praise and obedience worthy. We must replace this phrase “she has to be obedient to her husband” with “both have to be obedient to God and loyal and respectful to each other”.
The outcomes of this man-satisfying phrase are,
• A husband respects and takes care of his parents only and considers his wife’s parents of no importance or at least not to be much like his own.
• Husband’s parents always expect his wife to serve them and their son OBEDIENTLY and never ask for anything in return not even a little respect.
• Children are completely a mother’s responsibility. If they are well mannered and intelligent, it’s because they have gone up to their father or paternal grandfather and if not than they are replica of their mother and mother’s family.
• Women’s share in property is not given with justice or completely.
• Women consider themselves a reason for every misfortune comes to a man. Some even consider themselves to be the only reason of increasing vulgarity in the world and man’s falling for adultery, rape and cheating with their wives.
• In many families God’s rules are now superseded by a father’s or a husband’s.
• The money a man earns, considers himself wholly decide the use for kids or family without any consent of his wife or mother. So if he spends it on alcohol, call girls or anywhere else nobody has any rights to ask about it.
• A woman makes her place in the family by doing such things that would give her attention. Mother feeds better food to male members to be considered loving, a daughter/sister has to dress up like boys and sacrifice her belongings for her brother so that she could get some notice, a wife has to serve selflessly and in return she will get her husband’s LOVE in his bed.
• Men speak about other women and consider it normal, so much so the society also appreciates his being a womanizer, not knowing it encourages everyone around him to do the same, be it a man or woman. The only difference is woman will do it privately.
• Today crimes are increasing at the speed of light and reason mostly is extra marital affairs and property.
• Dissatisfaction among married people is rising; both the partners compare their own with others. Free sex, extra marital affairs and cheating with partners has expanded its boundaries to porn and prostitution.
• A woman has become a commodity. Trafficking, prostitution, killings, girl feticides are all by products of this stinking thought that a woman has to be obedient to men.
• Men want easy money even if he has to sell his wife or daughter. Because she has no respect in his eye.
• Killing for honor is created to protect sinful men; never had we heard a woman killed a man for the same reason.
• Women are entering in criminal activities, having no willingness for a respectful life; rather they earn money and power over men in this way.
• Women are not ready to give natural birth and breast feed their babies.
• Women are earning bread and egg for family and their kids are taken care by television, tablets etc.
• A woman is made conscious of being obedient to her husband at any cost; losing her dignity, her wishes her children’s future, sacrifice her desire for a friendly husband, a person whose knowledge and wisdom matters in family affairs. At work place she has to be paid low, treated less competent and needs to look AMAZING and SEXY if she has to survive.
• A woman’s beauty is the only criteria to get a happy husband, find a good job, or to be given any recognition.
• If she gets higher education she has to earn. Otherwise what use is her education if she can’t support her husband.
• If she works she has to manage home as well, a husband comes home tired so won’t help her and she has to fulfill all those duties which are given to her by Allah and more by the society. She has to be smelling good, Children’s HW must be done before husband comes home as he does not like noise, food must satisfy husband’s love for it, laundry must be done cupboards be set and everything what she was doing before job is still her duty. Any mistake in it is considered disobedience and a ticket to hellfire or “Trying to be equal to HIM”.
• In case of divorce it’s always a wife’s mistake, because she could not keep her husband satisfied and happy.
• Adultery is always a result of a bad character woman’s invite to a very innocent man. And rape is a result of one’s wife not competent, the way she was dressed up or alcohol took away one’s senses for a while.
• And most of all Muslims have completely lost their legacy of producing mothers who gave Hazrat Ismail AS, Hazrat Hasan RA, Abdul Qadir Jeelani etc, to Ummah and this world.
• Children are living a meaningless life they cannot look up to anyone who could give them a meaningful reason to live by some religious or ethical principles. They are living not less than an animal’s life, as Education has become a profitable business. In the name of exposure everything is thrust upon students and extracting good or bad is left upon their understanding of right and wrong. So, are the reason elders or young everyone wants to live according to his own rules and set of laws.
The arguments given to prove that man-satisfying statement are also given from Quran and Hadeeth. I have tried to conduct a little research to come up with the right interpretations of some of ayahs and Ahadeeth intentionally used to make women OBEDIENT to men and superseding Allah’s supremacy.
1. First of all the ayah of Surah Nisaa which says (Extract) “Men are Qawaam for women and rigthous women are OBEDIENT (Qanitat) and safeguard their wealth and chastity in their absence”. (Al Nisaa-34)
In my opinion which is extracted from several translations and fatawas:
The function of qawwam is also understood in the Qur'an to be characterized by fairness. Thus in 4:134 and 5:8, the only other passages in the Qur'an where the word is used, the believers are told:
"O you who believe! Be qawwamin with fairness..."
"O you who believe! Be qawwamin for God as witnesses to fairness..."
Thus to be a qawwam over something or someone is to guard, maintain or take care of that something or someone in a proper and fair manner. If there is any single word in English that can convey the meaning of the word as used in the present word it is probably, “the guardian”.
To understand the word ‘qanitat’, we should check Qur’an for its actual meaning. In Al-Ahzaab/ The Allies 33:35 Allah The Almighty commands:
“The men who submit (Muslim men) and the women who submit (Muslim women), and the believing men and the believing women, and the obeying men and the obeying women…” (Al-Ahzab/The Allies 33:35)
Wal qaniteena wal qanitat: ‘…and the obeying men and the obeying women…’.
If “qanitat” were “the women who obey their husbands”; then “qaniteen” would be “the men who obey their wives”, which would lead to a dilemma. That is why “qaniteen” and “qanitat” can only be “those who obey Allah”.
As the verses explain each other, the ‘obeying women’ in the 34th verse of chapter Nisa, are the women who obey Allah. The word ‘Qanit’ stands for “being obedient to Allah” at its all occurrences in Quran. That’s why the phrase in 4:34 cannot be understood as ‘women being obedient to their husbands’. When both of the spouses obey the rules set by Allah, it leads to a clear satisfactory system in the family. Both men and women should submit to Allah; not to each other. Therefore in a house, there must be objective rules which are set by Allah, not the wishes or rules of husband or wife. So what we shall understand from this verse is ‘Qanit‘ refers to ‘women who are obedient only to Allah’.
2. Secondly a Hadeeth which suggests that “Other than Allah if it was allowed a woman would have to prostrate before her husband”.
In my opinion:
Muhammad PBUH said: "A woman has two veils: the first is the husband and the second is the grave. The one that conceals more is the grave." (Tabrani)
Prophet Muhammad PBUH said: "The worst person on the day of Qiyamah will be the one who reveals the private life of his wife to others." (Muslim)
From this it is apparent how meritorious this love is, man keeps private secrets of woman, so do woman but men are more likely to speak among his friends, since they mostly deal in the society and spend more time out of their homes unlike women, and also that woman are not usually that outspoken regarding such talks, it’s a man’s Ahsaan over his wife.
A man gives children to a woman and takes their responsibilities. Thus it becomes easy for a woman to give best knowledge and environment to his children to grow as productive and useful members of society.
3. Thirdly, Testimony or bearing witness. The Qur’an states that the testimony of one man is equivalent to the testimony of two women. (Al Baqarah-282)
In my opinion:
This is for business agreements where a lot of numbers and rules are meant to be written down and as we all know women are not usually comfortable with such matters because these things are out of their domain, there are chances that one woman can be forgetful especially when she is bearing a pregnancy and having period. These physical and biological changes bring many emotional side affects like loss of memory, irritation towards some specific person, etc. As far as becoming a witness for murder, at the time of writing will, witness to an adultery or other matters are concerned, this rule does not apply.
I am not at all suggesting women to be rebellious or start behaving like tom boys; neither am I saying that whatever I have mentioned above women are never guilty. I am also not saying that everyone in the world is treating their women like this. But what I mean on the basis of my understanding of Quraan and Sunnah is that misunderstanding or misinterpretation of one single word has brought disaster to the whole world. I may describe my intention of good I want to bring in our world, like this:
Thus they can pray (at home), walk, sit, eat side by side. Can politely and respectfully argue about a matter needs to be discussed for the benefit of their family and Aakhirah. Both have to be loyal and appreciating to each other. Because in the whole Quraan I have not found a single Ayah that says that a woman has to obey man. But every where according to the topic both the man and woman are told their obligations towards each other. Remember if one is God-Fearing he/she is not need to be reminded all the time what his/her duties are.
I may be overreacting but when choosing words we must be very conscious especially when it can cause some ambiguity. I know we all understand the word OBEDIENCE used by translators of Quran, refers to be consciousness towards one’s duties, but I think it’s the right translation of Arabic word “Atioo” not “Qanitat”.
One more very important thing I must mention here is that Alhamdulillah I feel blessed and proud as a Muslim woman. This writing is nothing to do with any WOMEN rights problems. Remember that this issue never rose at the time of Prophet Muhammad PBUH and His Khulfai Rashideen, because no woman at that time felt offended by any ayahs of Quran or Ahadeeth and treatment given by their male members of family and society, this is a contemporary issue and when there is something handled wrongly there is a cry. Translations in English; a language not having sufficient vocabulary to replace Arabic word bank, should be used very consciously and carefully.
I am open to listen to any disagreements, but they must be based on Quraan, Sunnah and sahaba’s life. Later scholars are respectful but they can have difference of opinion, which does not in any way makes Quraan, Sunnah and Sahaba’s stand, wrong or doubtful.
I pray to Allah the most merciful and beneficent to forgive me if I have made any mistake in explaining Ayahs of Quran, Ahadeeth or stories from Prophet PBUH or Sahaba’s life. May Allah show us all, the right path, the one which leads to Jannah. Ameen.
