Who Said A WIFE Has To Be OBEDIENT To Her HUSBAND?

Excitedly I registered on a website which offers to download free files for tips of happy married life for Muslims. As soon as I received the tips on “How to become your husband’s darling”, I started reading the tips: very lovely presentation it was, I must admit but when I reached the last one it actually made me so annoyed that I had to grab my machine and write this blog.

One day a companion of Muhammad PBUH, came to see Umer RA, who was the caliphate of Muslims at that time. He was about to knock at the door when he heard that Umer RA’s wife was yelling at Him RA, realizing the sensitivity of the situation he returned. Later he met Umer RA in masjid and told him about his coming to see him and the reason he returned without meeting. Then he asked Umer RA surprisingly, Oh Umer you were listening to your wife quietly when she was shouting, I can’t believe it that a man like you, from whom even men cant dare talking like that? Umer RA replied, “Yes, she can, since she is the mother of my children”.

“Incident of IFK”, was the most terrible time for Muhammad PBUH, Aisha RA and her family. When Allah SWT, revealed ayahs in Surah Noor to announce Aisha RA’s innocence, Aisha RA’s mother asked her to thank Muhammad PBUH. Hazrat Aisha RA refused on Prophet’s face, she said why should I thank HIM PBUH, rather I will thank my lord who sent these ayahs to prove my innocence. Prophet Muhammad PBUH smiled and nodded in agreement.

Many a times Muhammad PBUH, explained the characteristics of a wife who will definitely enter Jannah. “A woman who offers 5 time’s prayers, safeguards her chastity in absence of her husband and takes care of her husband’s property.”

Surah Baqrah and Talaaq explain the matters of Divorce in detail. One of the obligations on a man who wishes to divorce his wife is that he can’t terminate the Nikah if she is having manses, and if she is pregnant, then even divorce is most likely to be nullified.
In Surah Mulk, Allah SWT challenges us, to find a single mistake in HIS SWT’s creation. If God has made a woman obedient to men, would she not argue with the lord on the day of resurrection that why didn’t HE make her a man? Could Allah SWT make this flaw in the life of His SWT’s most loving creation?

OBEDIENCE is for the creator only, that’s our lord, our God; Allah, the most praise and obedience worthy. We must replace this phrase “she has to be obedient to her husband” with “both have to be obedient to God and loyal and respectful to each other”.

The outcomes of this man-satisfying phrase are,
• A husband respects and takes care of his parents only and considers his wife’s parents of no importance or at least not to be much like his own.
• Husband’s parents always expect his wife to serve them and their son OBEDIENTLY and never ask for anything in return not even a little respect.
• Children are completely a mother’s responsibility. If they are well mannered and intelligent, it’s because they have gone up to their father or paternal grandfather and if not than they are replica of their mother and mother’s family.
• Women’s share in property is not given with justice or completely.
• Women consider themselves a reason for every misfortune comes to a man. Some even consider themselves to be the only reason of increasing vulgarity in the world and man’s falling for adultery, rape and cheating with their wives.
• In many families God’s rules are now superseded by a father’s or a husband’s.
• The money a man earns, considers himself wholly decide the use for kids or family without any consent of his wife or mother. So if he spends it on alcohol, call girls or anywhere else nobody has any rights to ask about it.
• A woman makes her place in the family by doing such things that would give her attention. Mother feeds better food to male members to be considered loving, a daughter/sister has to dress up like boys and sacrifice her belongings for her brother so that she could get some notice, a wife has to serve selflessly and in return she will get her husband’s LOVE in his bed.
• Men speak about other women and consider it normal, so much so the society also appreciates his being a womanizer, not knowing it encourages everyone around him to do the same, be it a man or woman. The only difference is woman will do it privately.
• Today crimes are increasing at the speed of light and reason mostly is extra marital affairs and property.
• Dissatisfaction among married people is rising; both the partners compare their own with others. Free sex, extra marital affairs and cheating with partners has expanded its boundaries to porn and prostitution.
• A woman has become a commodity. Trafficking, prostitution, killings, girl feticides are all by products of this stinking thought that a woman has to be obedient to men.
• Men want easy money even if he has to sell his wife or daughter. Because she has no respect in his eye.
• Killing for honor is created to protect sinful men; never had we heard a woman killed a man for the same reason.
• Women are entering in criminal activities, having no willingness for a respectful life; rather they earn money and power over men in this way.
• Women are not ready to give natural birth and breast feed their babies.
• Women are earning bread and egg for family and their kids are taken care by television, tablets etc.
• A woman is made conscious of being obedient to her husband at any cost; losing her dignity, her wishes her children’s future, sacrifice her desire for a friendly husband, a person whose knowledge and wisdom matters in family affairs. At work place she has to be paid low, treated less competent and needs to look AMAZING and SEXY if she has to survive.
• A woman’s beauty is the only criteria to get a happy husband, find a good job, or to be given any recognition.
• If she gets higher education she has to earn. Otherwise what use is her education if she can’t support her husband.
• If she works she has to manage home as well, a husband comes home tired so won’t help her and she has to fulfill all those duties which are given to her by Allah and more by the society. She has to be smelling good, Children’s HW must be done before husband comes home as he does not like noise, food must satisfy husband’s love for it, laundry must be done cupboards be set and everything what she was doing before job is still her duty. Any mistake in it is considered disobedience and a ticket to hellfire or “Trying to be equal to HIM”.
• In case of divorce it’s always a wife’s mistake, because she could not keep her husband satisfied and happy.
• Adultery is always a result of a bad character woman’s invite to a very innocent man. And rape is a result of one’s wife not competent, the way she was dressed up or alcohol took away one’s senses for a while.
• And most of all Muslims have completely lost their legacy of producing mothers who gave Hazrat Ismail AS, Hazrat Hasan RA, Abdul Qadir Jeelani etc, to Ummah and this world.
• Children are living a meaningless life they cannot look up to anyone who could give them a meaningful reason to live by some religious or ethical principles. They are living not less than an animal’s life, as Education has become a profitable business. In the name of exposure everything is thrust upon students and extracting good or bad is left upon their understanding of right and wrong. So, are the reason elders or young everyone wants to live according to his own rules and set of laws.

The arguments given to prove that man-satisfying statement are also given from Quran and Hadeeth. I have tried to conduct a little research to come up with the right interpretations of some of ayahs and Ahadeeth intentionally used to make women OBEDIENT to men and superseding Allah’s supremacy.

1. First of all the ayah of Surah Nisaa which says (Extract) “Men are Qawaam for women and rigthous women are OBEDIENT (Qanitat) and safeguard their wealth and chastity in their absence”. (Al Nisaa-34)

In my opinion which is extracted from several translations and fatawas:

The function of qawwam is also understood in the Qur'an to be characterized by fairness. Thus in 4:134 and 5:8, the only other passages in the Qur'an where the word is used, the believers are told:

"O you who believe! Be qawwamin with fairness..."
"O you who believe! Be qawwamin for God as witnesses to fairness..."
Thus to be a qawwam over something or someone is to guard, maintain or take care of that something or someone in a proper and fair manner. If there is any single word in English that can convey the meaning of the word as used in the present word it is probably, “the guardian”.

To understand the word ‘qanitat’, we should check Qur’an for its actual meaning. In Al-Ahzaab/ The Allies 33:35 Allah The Almighty commands:
“The men who submit (Muslim men) and the women who submit (Muslim women), and the believing men and the believing women, and the obeying men and the obeying women…” (Al-Ahzab/The Allies 33:35)

Wal qaniteena wal qanitat: ‘…and the obeying men and the obeying women…’.

If “qanitat” were “the women who obey their husbands”; then “qaniteen” would be “the men who obey their wives”, which would lead to a dilemma. That is why “qaniteen” and “qanitat” can only be “those who obey Allah”.

As the verses explain each other, the ‘obeying women’ in the 34th verse of chapter Nisa, are the women who obey Allah. The word ‘Qanit’ stands for “being obedient to Allah” at its all occurrences in Quran. That’s why the phrase in 4:34 cannot be understood as ‘women being obedient to their husbands’. When both of the spouses obey the rules set by Allah, it leads to a clear satisfactory system in the family. Both men and women should submit to Allah; not to each other. Therefore in a house, there must be objective rules which are set by Allah, not the wishes or rules of husband or wife. So what we shall understand from this verse is ‘Qanit‘ refers to ‘women who are obedient only to Allah’.

2. Secondly a Hadeeth which suggests that “Other than Allah if it was allowed a woman would have to prostrate before her husband”.
In my opinion:
Muhammad PBUH said: "A woman has two veils: the first is the husband and the second is the grave. The one that conceals more is the grave." (Tabrani)
Prophet Muhammad PBUH said: "The worst person on the day of Qiyamah will be the one who reveals the private life of his wife to others." (Muslim)

From this it is apparent how meritorious this love is, man keeps private secrets of woman, so do woman but men are more likely to speak among his friends, since they mostly deal in the society and spend more time out of their homes unlike women, and also that woman are not usually that outspoken regarding such talks, it’s a man’s Ahsaan over his wife.

A man gives children to a woman and takes their responsibilities. Thus it becomes easy for a woman to give best knowledge and environment to his children to grow as productive and useful members of society.

3. Thirdly, Testimony or bearing witness. The Qur’an states that the testimony of one man is equivalent to the testimony of two women. (Al Baqarah-282)
In my opinion:
This is for business agreements where a lot of numbers and rules are meant to be written down and as we all know women are not usually comfortable with such matters because these things are out of their domain, there are chances that one woman can be forgetful especially when she is bearing a pregnancy and having period. These physical and biological changes bring many emotional side affects like loss of memory, irritation towards some specific person, etc. As far as becoming a witness for murder, at the time of writing will, witness to an adultery or other matters are concerned, this rule does not apply.
I am not at all suggesting women to be rebellious or start behaving like tom boys; neither am I saying that whatever I have mentioned above women are never guilty. I am also not saying that everyone in the world is treating their women like this. But what I mean on the basis of my understanding of Quraan and Sunnah is that misunderstanding or misinterpretation of one single word has brought disaster to the whole world. I may describe my intention of good I want to bring in our world, like this:

Thus they can pray (at home), walk, sit, eat side by side. Can politely and respectfully argue about a matter needs to be discussed for the benefit of their family and Aakhirah. Both have to be loyal and appreciating to each other. Because in the whole Quraan I have not found a single Ayah that says that a woman has to obey man. But every where according to the topic both the man and woman are told their obligations towards each other. Remember if one is God-Fearing he/she is not need to be reminded all the time what his/her duties are.
I may be overreacting but when choosing words we must be very conscious especially when it can cause some ambiguity. I know we all understand the word OBEDIENCE used by translators of Quran, refers to be consciousness towards one’s duties, but I think it’s the right translation of Arabic word “Atioo” not “Qanitat”.

One more very important thing I must mention here is that Alhamdulillah I feel blessed and proud as a Muslim woman. This writing is nothing to do with any WOMEN rights problems. Remember that this issue never rose at the time of Prophet Muhammad PBUH and His Khulfai Rashideen, because no woman at that time felt offended by any ayahs of Quran or Ahadeeth and treatment given by their male members of family and society, this is a contemporary issue and when there is something handled wrongly there is a cry. Translations in English; a language not having sufficient vocabulary to replace Arabic word bank, should be used very consciously and carefully.
I am open to listen to any disagreements, but they must be based on Quraan, Sunnah and sahaba’s life. Later scholars are respectful but they can have difference of opinion, which does not in any way makes Quraan, Sunnah and Sahaba’s stand, wrong or doubtful.
I pray to Allah the most merciful and beneficent to forgive me if I have made any mistake in explaining Ayahs of Quran, Ahadeeth or stories from Prophet PBUH or Sahaba’s life. May Allah show us all, the right path, the one which leads to Jannah. Ameen.

Ummah's one of the biggest DRAWBACKS today ......................... Uneducated WOMEN.

Really interested to bring peaceful REVOLUTION in Pakistan?

“Do 1 thing and get 5 revolutionary benefits”

First what those 5 benefits are?1. Bring trustworthy, conscientious, courageous, people-powered rulers/government.
2. Politics will be considered a noble and important effort. Thus from each part of the country only deserving candidates will reach the parliament, which is an institute who decides nation’s fortune.
3. Merit-based culture will become a natural working phenomenon in Pakistan.
4. Equality in every walk of life. VIP culture will vanish.
5. Collective responsibility of making Pakistan a wonderful land in the world will be felt by each individual.

NOW U MUST B INTERESTED TO KNOW THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO DO TO GET THE ABOVE MENTIONED BENEFITS????????????Give every child an EDUCATED mother.

Who spends 8 peaceful hours with her children to make them learn to be a productive citizen. And at least rests for 8 hours so to perform her job well. You might not agree but u must take some time to think over rationally before disagreeing. And then do share what is your point of view.

Can u plz leave ISLAM alone?

Dated: 25th May 2010

Dear all. Today I need some long time from u to spend for reading my blog post………………and with all ur concentration. After sending my latest mail about my decision of not using face book anymore, I received different kinds of reactions. For the very first time I have got a huge bundle of mails regarding the receivers’ feelings about the decision I took. The most disturbing was from one of the friends, who wrote “Dear Noryn, I would like to see the link where facebook has announced this, I have not seen any such thing on facebook which has been created by them. And in future when you announce such issues, I would recommend proper sources are used to verify the details pointed in your email.
I am assuming people are given powers to create applications on facebook and this must be one of these application. And to get it removed should be our agenda not to close the door, even our prophet (PBUH) never moved away from problems. Islam doesn't teach us to run away. If you remember the simplest of things Prophet (PBUH) went to the female's house who threw rubbish on him, it was his (PBUH) ways that won the heart. “.

What actually bothered me was, the feeling of helplessness, as the friend possesses an MBA degree and working as a high profile professional with a national electronic tv channel…………….and the level of knowledge about Islam and Muhammad PBUH, was so little that I felt like crying. Now whatever I wrote might not b liked by him, BUT I HAVE TO SAY WHAT IS RIGHT, SPECIALLY NOW, WHEN ISLAM IS IN DANGER, ONLY BECAUSE OF SUCH SURFACE KNOWLEDGE HOLDER SCHOLARS OF QURAN AND SUNNAH.

The other day, Mr.Kamran Khan was also trying to make fun of Pakistani Muslims’ feelings in a discussion with a Software Engineering Expert Ms. Jahan Ara. Who also gave the same example of Muhammad’s patience about the lady who used to throw garbage on him PBUH.

Before going further, I want to raise a question here, which is from all of the experts of their fields…………If someone does not have minimal required knowledge of a particular field, could he be granted decision making job of that department?

If answer is No, then please I would like to beg u, that start thinking like this for Islam also. Anyone giving his remarks about Islam and Quran starts the statement by saying “Though I am not a religious scholar but…….” So if u r admitting u don’t know much about Islam how cud u give such remarks about Prophet’s likeness and dislikeness.

I don’t want to say anything else, only writing some questions, which will tell us that we must b lacking somewhere, which is causing a great harm to Islam as well as our life hereafter.

1.      Why Muhammad PBUH was sent to us? Only to prove himself a very generous and loving person to the creation of Allah SWT?

2.     If Muhammad PBUH had to project his qualities only, why was he given Quran?

3.     When the lady who used to throw garbage on Muhammad PBUH, got sick he PBUH went to see her, but why Ghazwah- e- Uhad and Ghazwah-e-Tabook was fought? Why didn’t Muhammad PBUH showed the same patience to non muslims at that time?

4.     We consider ourselves Muslims because we believe in Quran, as our holy book. When the sura e toba comes, we r not allowed to say Bismillah, did u ever ponder why? (Answer of this question will surely eliminate dissatisfaction of my friend, which he mentioned)

5.     If I want to get my PH.D degree, I will do whatever I will be asked to prove myself eligible for that certificate, can’t even think of getting along with short cuts, but to prove myself a Muslim I never try to directly consider Quran and Hadith or Sunnah, and I am always satisfied with the indirect knowledge communicated to us. Are we not behaving like cattle, according to Quran?

6.     Why we always try to conquer non Muslims’ hearts, but they don’t even give a thought to our effort made to make them happy? Isn’t it because we don’t know our religion much, so are unable to convince them, even our own selves?

7.     We benchmark west and Europe, for almost everything, did u ever notice how careful they are in using internet, and media, and how much time they spend to make it as much productive as possible for their children, but we never tried to learn anything ourselves, but what they taught us. Now tell me what facebook and you tube gave us, only Baypardagi and unnecessary curiosity about others lives, and waste of time….do we actually learn good things from non muslims or we tell lies to ourselves? I challenge u all, a very few of us know the sites which we can use for educational purpose for our children and rarely make them surf those……..i wish I am wrong…but ratio could not b more than 2:98.

8.     No one knew about KHUDA K LIYE and VIRSA, before GEO highlighted about the movies, that shows if a powerful support is not given, nothing could succeed, those who object that facebook is not involved directly, would they mind telling that couldn’t they discourage the idea rather than promoting?

9.     For every business even a penny matters, how could our experts say that the loss will be done to facebook is very negligible for them, if they still persist, why BBC News bothered to announce the losses?

I hope, u can understand this post does not aim to point out any individual, but as a nation and as an Ummah we need to wake up now and we must start learning ISLAM now. I request the media specially that either leave ISLAM alone or learn it properly, otherwise here we can give statements according to our wills and wishes but on the day of judgment, no body will come to support our wrong arguments and would b able to save us from Allah’s annoyance. May Allah show us all the right path. Ameen.